Rising From The Ashes
by Jean Phoenix Soul
Summary: When the Phoenix entity offers Jean and Scott a chance to be together in a parallel universe where she never gets possessed, a part of Jean must stay and figure out what to do with her life now that Cyke is with Emma. Parallel to The Phoenix Amend.
1. Prologue: Forever Young

**Note:** yes, this looks like the revamp of the first chapter of The Phoenix Amend, but it's not the same. Since this fic takes place in that universe, narrating the story of the Jean who didn't travel to the other universe, I took a few paragraphs from The Phoenix Amend in the places they coincided, but except for the first four, I edited them as well, so this fic has a lot of new material which takes the story down a different path and explores the other "what if".

Disclaimers: I don't own any X-men characters. I don't even know who does now that Disney bought Marvel! Whatever, just don't sue me. I'm not doing this for the money or I'd be poorer than I already am.

**Forever Young**

In Winchester, New York, a red-haired woman entered her modest room at the Institute for Gifted Youngsters without even bothering to turn on the lights, and sat on her bed. The pale moonlight coming in through the window lit her face, making the tears rolling down her cheeks look like small round pearls.

The relationship with her husband had really deteriorated since he had been posessed by Apocalypse. Scott had transformed into a completely different person. He had become cold and distant, so they had started arguing too often and then just stopped spending time together until she moved to a different room near the end of their marriage.

Lying in bed for hours night after night with her eyes wide open, thinking about what could have been but wasn't, just staring at the shadows the tree by her window casted on the ceiling when the wind shook its leaves. That was her routine now, her every waken moment spent trying to figure out what it was exactly that she had done wrong to deserve Scott's indifference. Then came a few hours of restless sleep, where Scott and Emma lived happily ever after in her nightmares and he turned into the very evil they had fought to destroy for so long.

Light. Darkness. Fire, consuming fire. Light. Darkness. Fire, oh the fire! Life. Death. Rebirth. Life again and then death, and the fire... that fire that consumed it all with the strength of a thousand suns and a will of its own, taking over her life and everything precious to her with it. It was a horrible cycle, a cicrle, and everybody knows a circle has no end. Destined to linger between life and death forever. That was her fate.

Resurrected against her will. She had to admit, that was a new one. A pretty _creative _torture, even for the resourceful Phoenix... and then she had to die again, but not just any death. It was the most horrible death she could possibly imagine. Murdered by the ones she loved, once, twice, three times... forever.

It seemed to be a torture reserved only for the ones she held dearest. Was it because there was no one else capable of doing the dirty job? No. The Shi'ar and a bunch of other people were willing to put an end to her suffering. This was something else. Nobody dared to put the rabid dog down, except for those who knew its suffeing. Yes. That was why. She had wished for death, begged for it so many times. She wanted to die. She wanted it so bad it hurt. Every single cell in her body craved for death, definite death. Eternal death.

People at the Mansion was tired of her constant appearances and disappearances. They wouldn't admit it, of course, but she didn't need to read their minds to notice the way they looked at her. Even those who used to enjoy spending time in her company such as Hank and Ororo were now reluctanct to be left alone with her. It was as if they feared she would go bersek without a reason and wreak havoc in the entire world... She felt the Phoenix relatively under control inside her, but she had to admit they sort of did have a point. After all, as long as the entity possessed her, that was the best case scenario

Jean sighed. She remembered when they were younger. When Scott and her were happy together and spent long hours chatting and laughing with Hank, Bobby and Warren. They had gone through countless training sessions at the Danger Room together and then she'd go to her room and continue to practice her telekinetic exercises with a wooden board and a yarn.

She had met Ororo some years later and a powerful sisterly love was born between them. In a matter of months, the former thiefette had become her confident, always giving the perfect advice and making wonderful suggestions. Jean had seen her bloom like the plants and flowers she loved so much to care for and felt proud of the transformation that took place in her friend. A pang of pain reminded her just how much she missed spending time with Ro, as she used to call her.

Among her special memories, there were also a lot of fishing trips with Logan. That used to make Scott incredibly jealous and he would stay in a bad mood for many days after they came back, but Jean had always been faithful to him and being a telepath allowed her to prove it, so he had no way of winning those arguments.

The best part of those trips had been observing Logan turn into a better tempered man in her presence. He had always become a different person when they wrere alone, a man actually fun to be around. She had even gotten him to open up to her a couple of times and, in those ocasions, he had told Jean things she would have never imagined about his life.

Of all the people she knew, Logan was the one whose thoughts Jean respected the most. Although, the primary reason for staying out of his mind was fear for what she might find in there, but despite his problematic side, Jean had to admit that she had really enjoyed spending time alone with him during their little fishing trips.

Talking about Logan, he seemed to be the only one truly happy to have her back at the Mansion. That was somehow reassuring but resulted on her spending much more time with him than was sensible, considering the way she knew he felt about her. Objectively speaking, it wasn't about the actual amount of time Jean spent in his company, but the fact that she didn't seem to intereact with anyone else. When she wasn'thelping him around the Mansion, she spent most of her day hiding in her room, pretending to be invisible to avoid upsetting Scott or Emma. Her life was misearble enough without them making her feel their lives were easier when she was just dead.

Around two thirty in the morning, Jean completely gave up on sleeping and got out of bed. Insomnia-striken and completely exhausted both physically and emotionally, she wandered around the house in the darkness. There was no need to turn the lights on. She knew the path to the kitchens by heart.

A glass of warm milk later, she still felt restless. Some nights, it was easier to trick herself to sleep. There were also nights like that, of course, where nothing seemed to work, no matter what she tried. She was tired of being mistrusted, feared, rejected, but above all things, she was tired of being tired. The lack of a social life and the lack of sleep made a horrible combination that had her constantly feling either about to give in to blind rage or on the berge of tears.

Ever since she had come back, the Phoenix had been dormant inside her, behaving, apparently harmless, but always waiting. She knew there was a possibility of it waking up and taking control once again if she failed to keep her emotions at check so the trick was not letting them run wild. Luckily for everyone, she had always the calm type, not at all prone to the kind of extreme emotions and excitement that the Phoenix craved.

Even though Jean hated being so mentally and emotionally unstable, she knew that her hormones weren't to blame and that there was nothing she could do to avoid being such an emotional wreck. It was the Phonix trying to trick her into making a faux pas. They both knew that if it kept throwing mood swings at her, she'd eventually lost control and let the Phoenix take over, but Jean also knew that the fate of the world and maybe even the universe rested on her ability to avoid losing her temper and that gave her the strength to keep fighting.

However, she found it more and more difficult to remain calm each time Emma mistreated her out of jealousy or Scott pretended she didn't existed. When she had pictured them together, she had never imagined Scott would turn into such an asshole under her influence, the same way he had turned into a merciful man under hers. The pain Scott caused her every day because of the choice she had made to protect him was collateral damage but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

In order not to lose her temper, Jean knew she needed to find a way to balance her life as soon as possible. The good things in her life were greatly outnumbered by the bad at the moment and even the better tempered person in the world would end up eventually blowing up under the wrong conditions. She needed to find a way to make herself happy before stress took the best of her.

She had tried picking up new hobbies, getting a part time job teaching at the institute and even getting a pet, but nothing seemed to work. Night after night, she kept on thinking about Scott and that made her miserable, and Jean had to admit that seeing him with Emma every day didn't help either.

So far, she had been the leader's wife, the team's friend, the Professor's helper and many other things. In other words, her life's purpose has always been based on what others needed from her, not on her own needs. Jean needed to give her life a purpose of its own and make it enjoyable rather than just bearable., but how to do so when Scott was being indifferent to her and her friends didn't want to be in the same room alone?

Everything she could think of, she had already tried. Well, almost everything... There was still this one little thing she hadn't tried yet, but she feared that almost as much as she feared the Phoenix taking over. The idea had been in her mind for years, even before she became one with the powerful entity, but it had been marked as taboo for so long, she wouldn't even know where to start thinking about it. The mere concept made her feel guilty, even if she didn't have a reason to feel that way anymore.

Jean wasn't one to try new things and the very idea of doing something unusual scared the hell out of her. However, her self preservation instinct kept forcing her to try to find a way ouf of that hell and, before she realized what she was doing, Jean was halfway through the corridor.

The knocking had been so soft, she wasn't sure he would hear it and yet, a moment later, he opened the door. Sleepy, unshaven and beyond surprised, Logan blinked at the implausible image that was Jean Grey standing at his door at three in the morning, wearing only a green gauzy night gown and a pair of pink slippers.

"Can I come in?" She asked in a barely audible, shaky voice. He had been dreaming of that moment for years but now that it had finally come, Logan found his mouth dry and his mind completely blank. That couldn't be happening. _This is obviously dreaming_, he told himself. She awaited for his reply, looking as scared as a weathered cat and feeling more and more discouraged with every passing second. "Logan?" Jean whispered fearing he would get mad at her. She dared look at him and searched his face for any sign of anger but found none. He was looking at her with an expression she had never seen him in her life. Was he feeling... vulnerable?

As he didn't react, Jean prepared to leave and moved to do so when Logan, still at a loss of words, opened his door a little wider hoping she would take the hint. Without a second's hesitation, Jean walked by him and entered the room. It wasn't a moment of bravery. She just feared that, given the time to think about it, he wouldn't let her in.

Jean stood in the middle of the room, not daring to sit on his bed for fear of invading his privacy. However, her curiosity was greater than her fear and she took a subtle look around. The place looked rather impersonal, except for an old framed picture where they stood together, smiling to the camera as good friends… friends, and now she was walking into his room in the middle of the night. What would he make of it? Most importantly, what were her own intentions when deciding to knock at his door at such an ungodly hour?

Logan closed the door and turned around to face Jean. She looked so lost. He hated seeing her like this and, as usual, blamed Scott for it, although he couldn't think about him for too long. Her floral scent invaded the room, preventing his neurones from working properly.

He tried with all his might to remain calm despite the fact that his heart was pounding loudly inside his chest. "Everythin all right, Jeannine?" _Stupid question_, Logan told himself after hearing his voice ask it. She was so obviously not all right. "Make yourself comfortable" He offered his only chair with a gesture of the hand and sat at the edge of his bed. Jean nodded and sat beside him on the bed, looking at her hands. They just sat in silence for a while, but it was Logan who finally broke it.

"Did you and the boy scout had an argument?" He asked trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Jean shook her head, looking at nothing in particular for a while. "Has Emma been showin you nasty things again?" He tried next, his jaw tightening at the idea of that woman being cruel with his Jeannie. "Thank God, no!" Jean said sincerely, raising her voice a little. Having to see her husband with another woman everyday was bad enough without said woman telepathically showing her images of their private moments under the covers. "We settled that score a couple of weeks ago," she explained with a weak strained smile.

"Ooh, a telepathic cat fight. I wish I had been there. Must have been priceless," he joked with a little smile, managing to steal a sincere smile from her as well. She glanced at him for a moment and then focused on her hands again.

"I bet you kicked her ass," Logan said hoping that concentrating on the good stuff would eventually cheer her up. An amusent smile danced on Jean's lips for a moment before she looked at him. "As a matter of fact, I think I did," she admitted visibly satisfyed with herself "Well, that explains why she has been so bitchy lately," he confessed. "I thought she was just premenstrual."

The comment got an ernest laugh out of Jean. "Logan!" She complained bumping his shoulder with her own as punishment, but clearly enjoying his contribution. "What!" He defended himself pretending to be innocent for the game's sake and at the same time, pleased to see her acting a bit like her usual self, if even for a moment.

_You're amazing_, she thought appreciating the fact that he couldn't read minds_, I've spent months feeling depressed and you just say three silly things and have me laughing like there's nothing to worry about._

Then, Jean rested her head on his shoulder and sighed as her laugh subsided. Logan could feel the atmosphere getting gloomy again, but he sat completely still, not daring to look at her and barely daring to breathe, afraid of doing something that might make her get away from him.

"What's wrong, Jeannie?" He asked her after a long silence, when he finally convinced himself that she wouldn't run away if he talked. She remained silent for a moment and then spoke. "I'm the one who pushed Emma and Scott together," she confessed. He was surprised but didn't say anything. Jean needed him to listen, so he listened. "She had liked him for a while, so I've tampered with his mind to make him fall for her as well."

"Are you havin second thoughts about it?" She shook her head. "I figured it was the best thing to do." Jean said, wondering if telling Logan was a good idea after all, but who else could she talk about that with? "This death and rebirth circle is never gonna end and he deserves better... and still... I had no right to take away his free will. Does that make me a terrible person?" She asked in a concerned, vulnerable tone that made him want to take her in his arms and never let go. It made him want to fix the world or whatever it took to stop her suffering, even if it meant getting hurt himself. Why else would he have stayed by her side as her friend all those years while she was married to Scott? He was determined to become whatever he needed of him. That was his tribute to her, his way of manifesting the love he felt for her since the very beginning.

"No." He replied, thinking of the times she had been out of control, posessed by the Dark Phoenix. He remembered her suffering, the way she begged to be killed, to have someone put an end to her suffering. It had broken his heart every time, but he had always done what was best for her, even if it brought him pain. _That's what it means to love_, he thought. "It makes you a good wife." He finally said, his gaze fixed in the furniture in front of him as he often did when they talked about her problems with Scott.

"Jean placed a hand on his arm, her head still resting on his shoulder. "I'm so exhausted, Logan," she complained as a single tear rolled down her cheek into his shoulder. He was aware of that but couldn't think of a way to make her feel better, so he just listened. "...so tired of going through this over and over again..." Jean bit her lip for a moment, "I just don't know what to do with my life anymore... I sometimes think that not coming back would have been better for everyone." She confessed.

"Never," he disagreed looking at her with a frown. "There's people here who still need you, Red." He told her saddened to hear Jean talk in such a pesimistic way.

She made an unconvinced sound. "What about Rachel?" "She has her father..." Jean said tiredly. The topic was too painful for her and at the same time, she knew she needed to talk about it sometime. "Well, it's clearly not enough for her," he stated. "you haven't heard her cry herself to sleep, callin your name every night for months after you were gone." Jean sighed and ran a hand through her face as if to clear her mind.

"She needs stability in her life..." "She needs _you _in her life," he disagreed. "Logan, what can I offer to her when I keep disappearing for months at a time? How can I choose to willingly put her though the same pain Scott had to endure?" "You think not having a mother will make her happy?" That left her speechless for a while and she looked even more discouraged than before. Logan felt sorry about having to open up her wound again, but he also knew there was no other way to take out the poison. Jean knew this as well and allowed him to continue, aware that nobody would handle her more carefully than him.

"I don't know what I think anymore," she confessed. "I know you're right, but everyone else is moving on and I'm just stuck in the past." The idea that the path ahead of her was identical to the one she had just left behind made Jean feel miserable. "That's your problem. You don't let go of the past." He told her. "Things have changed, Red. It's time you stop worryin so much about other people and start thinkin about yourself"

"I try Logan. I swear I try, but what do you think will happen twenty years from now, when I look _younger_ than her?" He seemed surprised that she thought about that of all things. _Only a woman would think about that_, he thought. "How can I have a normal life when I've been twenty six for the past fifteen years?" she said in a desperate tone that broke his heart.

He thought about it for a while before speaking. "I'm sorry, Red. I can't help you this time. I've been lookin for that answer myself for almost a century," he confessed. She met his gaze in amazement and then looked away and remained silent for a really long time.

"I thought you had given up on having a normal life," she finally said with a half smile, attempting to make a joke. He smiled at her. "I just do whatever feels good." "You mean like living in a place that makes you feel caged and is full of people who gets on your nerves?" She asked with an amused smile. "Yeah, like that." He said with a grin on his face.

"I like it here," he confessed after another long silence. She was still resting her head on his shoulder, distractedly tracing patterns on his arm with her finger. "I know," she replied with a small smile that he returned.

Jean closed her eyes and dozed off for a moment, her sleepless nights finally starting to take a toll. "Logan?" She asked after a while, when she surfaced to consciousness. "Huh?" "Do you think we'll ever find the answer to that question?" she asked slowly, her brain about to cross the treshold between awake and asleep.

"We can try," he said in a low voice, so he wouldn't wake her up too much. "Get some sleep, Red. You certainly deserve it," he told her helping her get comfortable in his bed.

Hours later, the sky began getting clearer as dawn approached and Jean woke up startled. There was someone else with them in the room, a presence. She could see the blinding light even with her eyes closed and was also able to feel it growing stronger inside her. It was the Phoenix. She knew that and instinctively looked for Logan, who was fast asleep on his chair with his head against the wall. The Phoenix and her were all alone and no one would come to aid her.

"Jean Grey, I am the entity called Phoenix," the legendary bird told her. _Tell me something I don't know_, Jean thought. _I'm your freakin host for dog's sake!_

"I'm already serving you as host. What do you want?" Jean asked angrily as she knelt on bed, jer arms crossed defiantly. It wasn't everyday that she got a chance to talk to the 'person' responsible for her life being a complete mess.

"I come from a different time," it explained as if that would make everything clear for her. "Good for you. What do you want?" She repeated spitefully. "You have taken the right decision Jean Grey. You have chosen to let go of what cannot be," the fire bird continued to talk in a monotonous voice, indifferent to her hostility. "The human you call Logan is the smart partner choice, for he cannot die nor age and, in a way, neither can you for as long as I need you."

"If you've come here to give me sentimental advice…" she started to say in a warning voice, but the entity interrupted. "I've come here to make you an offer. I can see that I've done much damage to you by choosing this body as vessel." Jean felt like jumping on the Phoenix and make it pay for all the pain, but she knew it would be useless. "I'm listening," she said instead, her arms still crossed and her brow furrowed.

"I can't change what must be, but I can destroy and I can create. I can create a different universe for you, Jean Grey, as a way to compensate for all the grief I've put you through. I can give you a second chance to live your life with the mortal Scott Summers as it would have been if I hadn't interferred with the natural course of events." Jean was speechless.

"Your life in this reality will continue as if nothing had happend, but you would know that somewhere in another time and space, you got a second chance at a normal life. Does this atone for all the damage I've done to you, Jean Grey?" the bird asked blinking calmly, glowing like a fire ghost in the middle of the darkness. The first words that came to her mind were 'not even close', but Jean thought about it for a moment, then said "It could..." although she wasn't really sure about it, but what other choice did she have? Knowing that things were different in an alternate universe wasn't too comforting if you had to keep living in the same place as always, but it was surely better than the alternative. Right?

"Can… can you make me forget Scott?" she asked with difficulty, a knot in her throat preventing her from talking freely as her eyes quickly teared up. "Indiference will come in time, yes, but not by my hand. Go back to sleep now, Jean Grey. Goodbye," the bird said before it disappeared in a blinding fireball, leaving a sepulcral silence behind. "Yeah, like I'm gonna be able to sleep now," Jean whispered as she sat on the matress feeling like a neurotic mess again.


	2. Chapter 01:  Freedom

**Freedom**

"I'm going fishing with Logan," Jean announced. Scott, who was sitting at his desk, looked surprised. "I… don't think that's such a good idea," he said with the same reprobatory expression he had always used whenever Logan was involved. "Why not?" She inquired. "I can pay for my own expenses, the semester is over," Jean enumerated. Scott sighed tiredly as he saw the argument slowly brewing. "and I think I could use some air," Jean finished making her case.

He looked at her for a moment, trying to think of an excuse and she could tell by his expression that he was about to deny her permission. He was frowning, his lips pressed together, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. "Jean…" he began in that tone she knew so well.

"Look, Scott, I know what you're gonna say, but I have control over my powers now." "It's not your powers I'm worried about," he replied. Even without using her telepathy, she had seen that one coming. "It's the Phoenix. I know. I get it," she said starting to get annoyed. "but I can control that as well." He looked at her, unconvinced. He stood up and walked to the nearby window, turning his back at Jean to look outside. "You've said that before and you know what happened."

"How many times did you see me lose control since I got back?" She asked him openly, waiting for an honest answer. "None," he admitted. "but that doesn't mean it can't happen again…" Jean made an exasperated sound and leaned against his empty desk. "especially with someone with his temper around you all the time." He finished his sentence before turning to face her and even then, he avoided her gaze, pretending to be looking at an old picture in the wall. "So this is about Logan, now?" Jean snapped.

The door opened just a moment later. Emma stood at the threshold with her arms crossed over her chest and her face stiff with the contemptuous expression she couldn't help wearing around Jean. She just hated her too much; the way all inferior beings despise what they can't compete against.

Her eyes went from Scott to Jean and back to him. Deep inside, the White Queen knew she'd never be a tenth of the woman Jean was. She was way to proud, self-centred and jealous to even compete with the caring, warm hearted red head. Jean was out of her league and that made Emma hate her even more. She looked at Jean like a tiger about to pounce, ready to defend her territory if necessary, but waiting the better moment to do so.

Emma had been eavesdropping on them but when the conversation started to become an argument and the blonde decided to intervene, she didn't expect the argument to become about Logan just a couple of seconds later, making her look somewhere between just paranoid and plain stupid. Jean glanced at the door for a moment, but when she saw who was there she turned back to Scott completely ignoring Emma.

Scott looked at his girlfriend for a long moment before turning to Jean, defeated. "No, this isn't about Logan," he said in a way that made both women suspect the statement was a half-truth at best. That annoyed them but, for different reasons, none complained. "It's about keeping the Phoenix contained," Scott continued, regaining his confidence at the thought of Emma's presence.

"Which requires me to keep my emotions in check," Jean insisted. "Precisely" Scott replied, fearing where that would lead. "Then we both agree that I need some peace and quiet." "Sure. I just don't understand why you can't have it here at the mansion, where there are a lot of people to help in case things get out of control." He explained. Emma furrowed, but remained silent.

"Scott… do you think I can feel at ease when you and virtually everybody else looks at me as if I were some kind of bomb about to go off?" She knew that wasn't completely true. Rachel, Logan and Ororo, among a few others, didn't fear her, but they also had lives of their own. Besides, having her daughter mad at her for signing the divorce papers and her best friend spending a lot of time in Africa didn't help the situation.

"Jean, please…" Scott began when he realized she was winning. "Or that it's easy for me to control my temper when I have to ask for permission to do anything, just like a little girl?" "Jean…" he repeated even less confident than before, knowing he was about to lose the argument. His tone made her realize she had been overwhelming him, so she took a deep breath to calm herself down; then sighed instead of exhaling.

"I know you're trying to protect everyone, Scott," she said in an understanding voice that resembled the way she used to talk to him when they were together. Emma gave her a killer look, but Scott met her gaze to prevent his girlfriend from intervening. "I just want you to understand that in your effort to keep the Phoenix from taking over, you're forcing me into a situation that will make me lose my temper sooner than later," she explained and then sighed tiredly. "I just want to have a normal life again." Jean said sadly after a little pause.

"Fine, fine, you can go," Emma said from her spot at the door, causing both Jean and Scott to turn to her in surprise. "Just spare us the melodrama," she added comptemptuously. Despite hating to grant her rival what she wanted, it appeared the idea of getting rid of Jean for a couple of days was too tempting for Emma to refuse.

The irony put a playful smile on Jean's face, as she thought about how weird it was having Emma defending her case. Still, she had to admit that the blonde's selfishness did come in handy every once in a while. "Thanks Emma," she told her sincerely. "I really appreciate your trust." With that, Jean walked out of Scott's office leaving him to deal with his girlfriend's wrath.

_God, I hate that woman! _The White Queen thought as the door closed behind Jean. _How can she manage to say thanks and smile politely to me when I know very well that she hates me as much as I do her! _The redhead's manners made Emma hate her even more.

"You undermined my authority, Emma" Scott stated in an annoyed tone that pulled her out of her thought. "I only did what's best for the school," she contradicted Scott as she walked to him. "How so?" He asked unconvinced. All he saw there was her selfishness at work. Despite all the good things he saw in Emma, Scott had to admit his girlfriend could be terribly whimsical at times.

"Things have been a tense around the mansion lately. We could all use a little time to unwind, even if it's just one weekend." She explained wearing her best innocence mask as she stopped in front of Scott and drew him near her in a seductive hug. "I think that we'll all be in a better mood after a couple of days apart and you know that caging a beast only makes it angrier," she whispered into his ear. His muscles tensed, ready to complain, to defend Jean, but Emma covered his mouth with hers before he could talk.

"Besides," Emma began when they broke off. "Logan has proven himself effective. He has dealt with her in the past and never hesitated to do what had to be done," she said with a small shrug. "I don't think it's such a terrible idea."

Author's note: This is not what I had in mind for the second chapter, but I can't seem to write what I originally wanted to. Maybe I'll get there eventually like it happened with The Phoenix Amend. Still... I think that writing a good Jean/Logan fic requires more hability than a Jott (those come naturally) and I don't really like my story. From 1 to 10 I'd say it's barely a 6 according to my standards.


	3. Chapter 02: Forest

**Forest**

Logan had been driving north up the 81 for hours, with his hands on the steering wheel and his eyes on the road, lost in thoughts. It was a nice fall morning, chilly and cloudless, just the way he liked them. He had left the Mansion before dawn, but now the sun was was slowly rising on the horizon. The trunk was packed with some supplies to avoid having to visit the nearby village during the excusrion and everything seemed to foretell it would be a specially enjoyable fishing trip. Only him, the peaceful forest and the fishes...

...and the redhead on the passenger seat of his jeep. Logan looked at her for a moment. He had completely forgotten about Jean. She had been especially silent and instrospective that day. "You've been quiet," he told her looking back at the road. Theirs was the only car in many miles and he could heal faster than anyone, but it was a precausion he took for her sake.

"I'm sorry. I was thinking," Jean said looking at him apologetically. Something was troubling her. He could smell it. "What's on your mind, Red?" he asked as casually as he could, truly intrigued and a little concerned about anything capable of keeping her silent for that long. _This can't be good news_, he thought. "It's nothing," she said in a voice that contradicted her words.

"It can't be nothin if makes you think that much, darlin," Logan stated taking a quick glance at her before looking back at the road. "So, what is it you wanna talk to me about?" he asked pretty sure that he would regret asking. "I've never said..." she started defending heself when he interrupted her. "Come on, Jeannie. We've been drivin around for hours. There must be a reason for you to drag me all the way up here. I just wanna know what it is." He insisted.

Of course he didn't mind spending the weekend fishing and talking like they used to, but he had to admit it was an odd request coming from her completely out of the blue. Especially since he usually had to put real effort to persuade her to go on those little trips with him and then there was the obvious guilt she felt over leaving Scott behind. Even if they weren't doing anything wrong.

Logan knew they wouldn't be able to enjoy the weekend with that tension between them and wanted to get over with it as soon as possible. Their gazes met for a moment, then Jean looked away and nodded, still in that strange mood between sad, distant and bashful he knew so well. "I want to help you recover your memories," she finally said looking up at him with her intense green eyes.

The answer was completely unexpected and Logan was openly surprised. "_Now_?" he asked tring to understand why she had decided to help him after so many years of not wanting to even hear about it. When the answer didn't come he turned to see her nod, her eyes on the road. "Why?" he inquired genuinely intrigued. "I thought you didn't dare enter my head," he said. "I didn't," she agreed. "What made you change your mind?"

There wasn't a simple answer. There was their friendship and the feeling that she had never been there for him when he needed her. The feeling that she had never been as supportive as she should have, especially given that Logan had always been there for her, even when she was married. There was also Scott and Emma and the decision she had taken about them and there was the divorce, which made her situation completely different than it had been in the past. There were also the feelings she had always had for Logan and had fought so fiercely to hide from herself and the rest of the world. And, in a long forgotten corner of her soul, there was also the curriosity of knowing what would happen, the mystery around the huge 'what if' that was Logan and, of course, the need to reinvent herself and reconstruct her life after Scott had destroyed it during the incidents with Betsy and Emma.

"Death," she finally answered after thinking about it for a couple of minutes, during which Logan waited gripping the wheel for something to do. Her answer had been concise, but he easily guessed all the other reasons behind it. He knew her that well.

"The Phoenix and I are one now, perfectly complementing each other, symbiotic, and that gives me powers I have never thought I'd have..." she explained still unable to look at him, her green eyes looking at the landscape instead. "I don't think anyone deserves this kind of power, but it gives me the tools to help you in ways Charles and I couldn't before," she concluded.

Logan nodded. He knew what she meant. It was probably her way of using that power for something constructive and maybe even atone a little for the lives the Phoenix had taken. "I want to help you," she said. "You've always been there for me even when I couldn't be there for you..."

A really long silence followed before Jean dared to break it. "Logan?" She asked spying on him throught he corner of her eye, wondering if she had crossed some sort of line there. Logan gave her a quick apologetical look before his eyes returned to the empty road ahead, his mind debating between telling her that he didn't want to know about his past anymore and going on with it just to be polite and spare her the awkwardness.

_I can't lie to her_, he decided. Even if the truth would hurt Jean, he refused to lie. _That's why she trusts me, because I always speak my mind, no matter what._ "I have decided to let my past rest," he finally said, visibly sorry to be saying that.

Another silence hung over them, longer and more uncomfortable than the one before.

"I see," Jean said after a long silence, when she regained control over herself. Logan could tell by her voice that she was having a hard time refraining from either crying or snapping at him. _Probably the latter_, he told himself. His Jeannie wasn't the kind of woman who cried over little things and that was one of the reasons he loved her so much.

"I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely. "No. It's okay," she said casting away an imaginary fly with her hand, still struggling with her emotions. It had taken her years to gather the courage to make him that offer and she was more than a little hurt to have him refuse. "I've been telling you to move on for ages," she admitted in a tired, defeated tone. "It's good to know you're finally getting there," Jean said with a strained smile and her eyes fixed on the road.

So, even Logan was moving on and she was the only one stuck in the past. _Great_, she thought irritated, wondering if that trip was a good idea after all. "You're mad," he pointed out at a lack of a better thing to say. "No," she said honestly. "I'm... disappointed." That wasn't the right word, but there was no simple way to explain all the complex emotions she was feeling. He nodded and didn't talk for another hour, but it wasn't a tense silence anymore as they both had a lot to think about.

They arrived at the fishing spot around noon. It was a really beautiful place located south west of the deadman's island, near the 10. A tapering little piece of land, quiet and full of growing vegetation, projecting into a big body of water that reflected the cloudless sky like a mirror.

Jean sighed as she thought just how beautiful Canada was. She could easily imagine someone like Logan living there, finding a little peace leading a simple life near a huge lake where he could feel free and in touch with nature. The sound of the jeep's door closing pulled her out of her thoughts.

She walked away admiring the landscape and looking for a good spot for them to rest and eat the lunch she had packed the night before. There was a particularly charming place with an amazing view of the lake that would allow them to fish under the shade of the nearby trees until the sun descended from its cenith and she settled there without giving it much thought.

They spent most of the afternoon just fishing, ocasionally talking about their mutual friends, and swapping anecdotes under the tree canopy, but they also shared many comfortable silences as the sun travelled slowly across the sky. When dinnertime approached, they gathered wood and lit a fire where Jean cooked the fish they had caught during the day.

"I ate too much..." Jean complained with her back laid against a tree, lazily staring at the stars reflected in the shinny black surface of the lake. "There's still some fish left," he teased leaning forward to pick up the pan. "Are you sure you don't want it?" he offered bringing the pan near her nose. "Logan!" Jean complained making a disgusted face and turning her head away, playing along while her green eyes gave away her amusement.

A couple of hours later, the night grew colder as the campfire slowly died away. Jean was still sitting with her back against the old tree next to Logan, her eyes closed and her head leaning on his shoulder as she listened to the autumn breeze shake the canopy above them.

"Hmm... where are we going to sleep?" Jean asked opening her right eye to spy on Logan. He was staring at the sky with a rather thoughtful expression when she distracted him. "There's a three room tent in the trunk," he said absent mindedly. She closed her eye again and enjoyed the silence for a while.

"This place is so peaceful," Jean placidly thought out loud. "One could easily get used to living here." Logan turned his head a bit to look at her when she said that, but didn't say anything, just enjoyed the chance to watch her at his heart's content since Jean was talking with her eyes closed.

He had obviously forgotten that she didn't need her eyes to know what was going on around her, for Jean was very aware of his staring. She just didn't mind it at all. Actually, Jean found it rather amusing and thought that it looked like he was trying to make up for lost time now that he had her to himself.

Even without taking her several deaths and the time she spent with Scott into account, Jean knew Logan had never had many chances to observe her up close as she knew he wanted to and felt that giving him that chance would make a nice present.

"I can stretch my mind comfortably without bumping into the annoying background noise of the cities," she explained after her little introspection was over. He wondered what being able to stretch one's mind would be like and imagined himself stretching his arms and yawning.

_Not quite_, she told him with a smile on her lips, her eyes still closed. He looked away and stared at the sky again. One of those little dots once had an inhabited planet orbiting it. Then the Phoenix came and destroyed it to quench its thirst of new experiences and sensations...

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I thought about that..." he apologized immediately. He knew he had hurt her without looking at the hurt expression on Jean's perfect face. "I'm sorry too..." she said meaning a completely different thing.

Jean usually refrained from poking into other people's heads without a good reason out of consideration for their privacy, but they seemed to be connecting so much just sitting there in silence, she thought it would be harmless. After all, it wasn't like she was trying to get to the bottom of his memories despite the conversation they had had earlier.

"I can still hear them screaming inside my head, Logan. The pain and anguish of an entire planet, dying, agonizing... and then the silence..." Jean's expression suddenly changed from sad to worried and she jumped to her feet. _SILENCE!_

"We have to go," she urged Logan with a scared look on her face. "What's going on?" He asked jumping to his feet as well and sniffing the air around him. He knew Jean wasn't one to make practical jokes so he sharpened his senses and stayed alert.

"The whole village south of here just fell silent all of a sudden," Jean explained. He looked at her expectantly. "They're coming for you and they have a telepath shielding them," she announced, knowing they were really lucky they made the mistake to shield the village's minds as well as their own, giving their presence away. "They must have recognized you at the border," Jean guessed. She knew he had some kind of complicated story there but knew no details.

"I don't smell anythin," he informed. "They're walking upwind, Logan." Was her explanation, her voice tense due to the adrenaline rush. "We need to leave," Jean said walking to the jeep, telekinetically cleaning up the campsite and covering their tracks. "It looks like someone doesn't want us here," she said trying to guess who it could be.

"Then I'm gonna..." "Logan, no!" She insisted. "I can't fight them. We need to go!" "Why not? We can beat em," he complained childishy. "Scott will never let me leave the Mansion again," Jean said avoidig Logan's gaze.

"Even from afar, he has to ruin everythin..." he growled through his clenched teeth. _I don't enjoy playing teenager either_, she thought to herself, making an effort not to argue in a moment like that. "Logan, get in the car." Jean ordered and after a moment's hesitation, he obeyed and they drove away.

"Which way?" He asked resigned, but clearly unhappy with their situation. "I don't know, I've never been here before!" She replied nervously. "Which way they're coming from," he paraphrased.

She closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment, trying to bypass the other tepelath's defenses, knowing that it would give away their position but also knowing that they had no other choice. "North," she informed. "Go south. We can hide in the forest," Jean suggested. It was rather obvious but she didn't dare try anything more creative in a completely unknown environment. He nodded and obeyed, driving into the forest, always zigzagging and manouvering to avoid driving into the trees.

"We can't go any further," Logan announced fifteen tense minutes later. "The trees are too close together. Are they still following us?" he asked killing the engine when the jeep couldn't advance through the thin space between the wide trees anymore. "I don't know. I'm shielding us, but using my telepathy for anything else would give away our position."

He nodded with detemination, finally resigned to fleeing. As much as he hated running like a coward, there was nothing he wouldn't do for Jean and since she had hinted they could repeat the trip as long as her ex-husband and his cold hearted new girfriend aproved, Logan decided that he could abide by their rules if it meant he could have Jean all to himself.

"Then we go on foot," he resolved. "There's a small touristic village south of here. Whoever they are, they won't risk blowin their cover killin a thousand people..." Jean wondered if that had been the small village she had felt going silent earlier.

They got off the jeep and sprinted through the forest, leaving the vehicle behind. "They don't need to kill them," Jean disagreed. "The telepath can wipe their..." "Not everyone is as powerful as you, Jeannie," he disagreed. "Ya think this telepath is in your league?" he met her gaze for a moment and she shook her head. "No," she admitted. "Then let's go."

They ran. Knowing that they could probably win the fight if they were caught, their focus was on confusing their pursuers. They zigzagged and retraced their steps using Jean's TK to leave fake, misleading clues and Logan's enhanced senses as a navigation system.

About an hour later, the forest became less dense. Jean stopped to catch her breath and leaned against a tree for support. Sleepy after a copious dinner, she hadn't expected to run through the forest in the middle of the night and was completely exhausted. The fact that she hadn't trained in the Danger Room since she had come back didn't help either, but trying to avoid making her friends and family nevous by training her already overwhelming powers had seen like a good idea at the time.

"You OK Red?" "I'm fine, just didn't expect to run a marathon after dinner," she joked." Logan nodded and they both looked at the broad lake ahead. It seemed they had reached a dead end.

"So, what do we do now?" Jean asked turning to him for ideas. "Kennyville is a few miles South..." he suggested nonchalantly. "And then what?" she asked worried. "I don't know, darlin. Fleein was your idea. What do _you_ want do to?" Jean thought about it for a moment. She wasn't a tactician and definitely wasn't comfortable with the idea of leading. There was a reason she always remained in the background, supporting the others. "I don't know," she finally said.

Calling home wasn't an option for her. Not yet. It would mean admitting Scott had been right and she wanted to avoid that as long as there was a way to get out of there unharmed. The Phoenix was comfortably asleep deep inside her, so Scott and Emma didn't need to know about that little incident of theirs. Of course they would need a good explanation for what happened to the jeep...

"Kennyville it is, then." He decided. "Would you have rather fought them?" She asked out of curiosity as they started jogging South. "Yeah." He looked very calm considering the situaction and his previous experiences with that particular organization. Perhaps his several memory wipes had had something to do with his wrecklesness or maybe he was becoming bolder with age.

He just knew he didn't fear them anymore, sure that not even weapon X or whatever they were calling themselves these days, would stand a chance against their combined powers. The synergy had always looked very promising and they just lacked a chance to give it a try without the other members of the team interferring. Logan definitely wasn't a team player, but in her case, he could easily make an exception.

"How can you be willing to fight something without having a clue about what it is or what your chances of winning are?" she inquired. Logan shrugged. "I'm still alive, aren't I?" _That's enough statistics to me_, he thought. "That's hardly an argument..." she observed reproachfully. "That overconfident attitude _will_ get you killed one day, you know? Healing factor or not..." He appreciated the concern she showed about his safety, but still didn't feel any of his own.

"What do you want me to say, Jean?"he protested. "We make a damn good team. We could have won and it would be over by now." In fact, he found the idea of fighting side by side with her appealing and was blaming Scott for taking that chance away from him.

"Logan, we don't even know who this people are or what they want..." she tried to reason with him. "I have a vague idea about that," Logan confessed. "Great! Do you mind sharing with the rest of the class, then?" she said giving him a dirty look without slowing her pace. He chuckled. Seeing her mad at him like that brought back memories of their countless arguments about the boring and seemingly endless topic that was her ex-husband. _I always knew there would be a time when I could look back at those memories and laugh_, he thought pleased. It had always been only a matter of time and time was exactly what he had always had an excess of.

"It seems I'm not gonna be able to let my past rest after all..." he thought out loud. Jean looked at him inquisitively, still waiting for an answer that didn't come.

Author's note: I sort of like the way this chapter turned out. I'm sure I still have many things to polish, but at least now I feel I'm on the right track. Thanks for the reviews.


	4. Chapter 03: Forsaken

**Forsaken**

They arrived at Kennyville around midnight. It was cold and getting colder by the minute, but it didn't look like snow. Not for another month anyway. The whole place was very dark and quiet, except for the street lamps and an occasional dog barking, but there was something off about the place, something that reminded you of a ghost town. The streets were completely deserted as most of the locals were either asleep or watching T.V. in bed.

However, they found a small gas station open near the main street and decided to stop for a while, until they figured out what the next step was. For Jean, the idea of calling Scott to come and pick them up was becoming more and more tempting, but she didn't want to deal with the consequences. Besides, What was the point of getting divorced and trying to reconstruct her life if she was going to call him for help when the first problem appeared? I guess old habits die hard, she thought.

Logan, on the other hand, wanted to stay out of curiosity. The idea that Weapon X might have been working on a way to accelerate the reversion of M day made him want to linger there, if only to find out what they were up to. He was sure that they wouldn't dare waste precious mutant lives during their experiments now that mutants were such a scant resource. Even after mutant babies had slowly began to be born again, the tiny numbers made no difference to the global statistics and those psychos surely needed the gene pool to grow as much as possible to give them new tools to build the perfect weapon.

That wasn't a certainty, of course, but who else could be chasing after him up there in the middle of nowhere? The attack at the lake just didn't sound like the Purifiers to him and with Sabretooth dead, there weren't many options left.

The clerk was fast asleep on a chair, his head leaned back and his mouth open. In a corner, the T.V. was on but the volume was turned all the way down. Jean looked at it for a moment, trying to find some evidence of the Purifiers or any other mutant intolerant group in the area, but the newsreader seemed to be interested in the weather only.

"Anythin I should know?" Logan asked. She shook her head and he hit the counter with his fist to wake up the clerk. The young man startled and looked around somewhat confused. It took him a moment to remember where he was and then he adjusted his cap and greeted them.

"I need you to call the tow truck," Logan said as Jean walked around the reduced aisles of the mini market, looking for water, snacks and a couple other things she thought they might need. "Our jeep died on us near Point Comfort," he informed the teenager, who was already dialing a number.

Logan had to admit that Jean's TK had turned out to be very practical. She had used it to remove the jeep from the forest and had placed it near the 105 to throw their pursuers off their scent. It seemed to have worked momentarily, but there was no way to know.

Jean came back with a few products, left them on the counter and went to the coffee machine. Logan watched her walk away and admired her for a moment, completely ignoring the young clerk's efforts to reassure him about the 'broken' vehicle.

He watched her put some coins into the machine and then shift her weight to the other leg while she read the little labels. Finally, she pressed a button and the coffee maker growled to life and started to pour the black gold into a disposable cup.

Even in a moment like that, Logan couldn't help admiring Jean. Not only her perfect, sculptural body, but also her delicate manners and the way she carried herself. The most wonderful part was that she wasn't full of herself like other beauties. Jean had the wisdom and humbleness of a true queen and he thought that, compared to her, Emma looked like a cheap hooker. That idea almost made him feel sorry for the boy scout... Almost.

The smell of cheap coffee pulled Logan off his introspection. Jean was standing in front of him, a step closer than usual. He noticed, but she didn't seem aware of their closeness. Or is doing an excellent job playing fool, he thought. Logan relaxed a bit and took the cup she offered, then stared into her green eyes for a moment, looking for answers.

"What were you thinking about? You looked serious," she pointed out holding his gaze with curiosity. Logan thought that she was probably the only psychic in the world respectful enough to ask for information instead of just digging it from people's minds.

"You," was his honest reply. He didn't feel like making up an excuse and she was standing too close for him to be able to think straight anyway. Jean smiled warmly and sipped her coffee in silence, hopping the clerk would stop looking at them and watch the T..

The tow truck arrived with the jeep about an hour later. Logan went out to talk to the guy and Jean followed him from a distance. She didn't like the idea of going out of the relatively warmer mini market, but assumed they would be leaving soon now that they had Logan's Jeep back.

Jean stood beside Logan, but before she could hear what he was saying to the tow truck guy, the sound of shooting and shattered glass caught her attention. She turned around to see a group of half a dozen men in black enter the mini market through the broken glass panels.

Instinctively, Jean created a shield around the clerk, who had docked when the windows shattered and was laying on the floor behind the counter. Jean was about to run to the shop when she remembered Logan and looked at him. Their eyes met for a moment and they needed no further communication.

Logan jumped into the Jeep while Jean went back to the mini market for the clerk. He didn't worry about her, as he knew she was capable of taking care of herself. The tow truck driver, who had taken cover behind his huge ride, tried to warn Logan against using his vehicle by yelling at him from his hideout but, as usual, the mutant didn't care.

When the mini market was properly destroyed, the gang started aiming at the Jeep. Annoyed, Logan came storming out of it and tried to show them what he thought of them by attacking the men with his claws, but they seemed to be shockingly fast for him to really hurt them.

Aware of what was going on, Jean projected an image of herself running out of the city into the minds of two of the men, causing them to chase after the fake woman. She knew that would give Logan a better chance by lowering the number of people shooting at him. She also knew he didn't need the help, but she did it anyway.

Using a second TK shield to protect herself from the gang that was still firing at Logan, the Jeep and the fake her, Jean managed to reach the clerk behind the counter. "Are you all right?" She asked him as her eyes scanned the teenager's body looking for possible injuries. "I've been better," he replied managing to find some humor inside himself despite the circumstances.

Jean smiled at him. "Follow me. We're gonna get you out of here and take you somewhere safe," she ordered in that caring voice that made it look like she was asking a favor. The teenager gave her a scared look and seemed to doubt. "You're one of those mutants, right?" He asked. Jean nodded.

"Don't be afraid. I'm creating a mental shield around us. We'll be safe." This time it was the kid who nodded and, a second later, they both started to run towards the Jeep. By the time they made it to the vehicle, Logan had taken care of his opponents and was waiting for them with the engine on.

"I think you shouldn't go back to your house tonight," Jean suggested once they were all inside the Jeep and speeding away. "I can stay at my sister's. She lives west from here... if you don't mind driving me there. My car is at the mechanic." He said with a guilty expression.

A couple of hours later, they parked in front of a house in a small town that looked as quiet as the one they had left, only bigger and better lit. The clerk had called his sister a moment ago from his mobile and explained to her the official version of what had just happened, so the woman and her husband were waiting for them at the porch.

"Thank you for driving my brother here, Mr and Mrs..." "Logan," he said to the woman who was wearing a blue robe over her pajamas. "I don't know what we would have done without you. He's always getting into some kind of mess, my little brother" she added casually. "It was not a problem," Jean intervened with a friendly smile when it became obvious that Logan wasn't going to reply to that.

"It is really late and you must be tired of traveling around all day. Why don't you stay in our guest room tonight? Our son is in college, so we do have a spare room," she offered. "I don't think..." Logan began, but Jean interrupted him, placed a hand on his arm and smiled at the woman. "Thank you. It's really late and we have been driving around all day. We'd love to stay."

Logan glared at Jean. He seemed to be in a grumpy mood, but she held his gaze defiantly. It was the kind of lecturing stare a wife gives to her husband when she thinks he has embarrassed her, the one that threatens with talking about it later, and Jean knew she'd have to calm him down before any of them could sleep.

"It's not safe," Logan told her in an annoyed tone once they were alone in the guest room. "I know," she admitted. "Then why did you decide to stay here?" He inquired with his arms crossed. She looked down and sighed, not wanting to answer his question. It had been a silly impulse, but she had given in to it like a school girl and now was regretting her moment of weakness.

"I don't know," she lied in a tired voice. "They didn't follow us and I think whoever they were will think about it twice before deciding to come after us without a strategy again." That was the best acceptable excuse she could think of. "Besides, I figured we needed some rest after running around half Canada all night and I know you would have made us drive around all night and then some more before deciding that settling down was safe," she added in a more relaxed tone, almost as if she were half-joking.

"Maybe that's because we're not safe here," Logan grumbled. Jean sighed and got closer to him, standing in front of him with a pleading expression on her face. "Oh, come on, Logan. After all the hot spots we've been in through the years... " she tried to reason with him. "That wasn't even close to dangerous. We out-powered them easily," she argued now that her confidence was up and her body was still pumping some adrenaline.

Logan finally looked at her, his arms were still crossed over his chest but his expression seemed to have softened a little. It was really difficult for him to stay mad at Jean for too long, especially when she looked at him puppy eyed like that. "What happened to pacific resistance?" He asked with a side smile that made Jean smile too as she got caught in her own words and then shrugged.

"I guess I had to give that option up when they started shooting, but it was all in self-defense," she said in an innocent way that made him laugh. "Yeah, right..." Jean smiled. "Go get some rest," Logan ordered in an almost warm tone he only used with her and maybe his previous special women. "I'll stand guard." "Logan..." she protested knowing it was futile. "I'm not tired and there's only one bed, so... goodnight, Red," he greeted her and sat on the chair next to the bed.

Jean stayed put and held his gaze for a moment, but Logan was unable to read her expression. "I highly doubt you need all this space, but if you'd rather sleep on the chair again, suit yourself," she told him with a half-wicked half-innocent smile that seriously tested his gentlemanliness.

Then, she walked to the bed and turned off the light on the night stand. "Good night Logan," Jean said with an amused smile that carried in her voice. "Good night, Red," he repeated hoarsely in the dark. He listened to her breathing from his chair, alert as a guard dog, and clenched his fists at his own stupidity as he finally understood why she had wanted to spend the night there.

The following morning, a phone rang at the mansion. It was the phone extension of the room Scott and Emma shared and she picked it up a few moments later. "Hello?" Her impatient voice demanded. "Oh, hi Emma. It's Jean," she greeted her trying to sound enthusiastic, hoping that would make her sound confident and happy, two things she knew would bother Emma. Annoying the blonde was one of the few pleasures left for her at the Mansion, but she wasn't jealous. She just couldn't stand the way Emma was. Catering the Christmas dinner when she used to cook all day for the occasion and thinking anything in the world was either black or white, without taking contexts or exceptions into account.

"What do you want?" her ex's new girlfriend asked a little less than politely, unhappy about having to deal with her competition so early in the morning. "Is Scott there?" Jean asked going straight to the point for similar reasons. She didn't want to talk to Her Majesty first thing in the morning either. "No. He's out with the team," was Emma's dry reply.

"Really?" Jean asked rather confused. "Then why aren't you with him?" That had came out much harsher than Jean had originally intended and she mentally scolded herself for sounding like a jealous ex-wife, but she was still half asleep and wasn't thinking straight after all that had happened the night before. "Well, someone had to stay behind and run the school, right?" Jean felt stupid for having asked, but couldn't think of a way to fix it and appear smart and self-sufficient.

"Do you want to leave him a message?" Emma asked triumphantly after a long silence, which only made Jean feel worse. Since when _she _had to be asked to leave Scott a message? "Hmm... just tell him that we might come back a day later than expected, OK? We had a little... mishap and ended up a few miles west from where we intended to go." She was having a hard time finding the right words that would protect her pride (or damage it the least to be precise) and could almost feel Emma smiling at the other side of the line, enjoying her obvious struggle.

"I will." Emma promised. "Is that all?" "Yes..." Jean said suppressing a frustrated sigh. "Oh, Jean, I almost forgot. Since you're in Canada already, there's this place Scott wants you to check out before coming home," Emma said out of nowhere, starting to sound enthusiastic for the first time in that day. "I hope you don't mind going on a mission in the middle of your vacation," she said before Jean could say anything, clearly enjoying the position she was putting her rival in.

This time Jean was unable to refrain from sighing. "I don't," she said slightly annoyed. She didn't like the fact that Emma was a sadist and was obviously savoring the moment. It made her wonder what someone like Scott could have possibly seen in her in the first place.

"Good. There's this little town a few miles east from Yellowknife..." Emma began. "What! But that's _at least_ three states away from here!" Jean complained more surprised than angry.

"Who was that?" Scott asked a few minutes later, when he got out of the bathroom with water droplets falling from his hair into his bare chest. He always took a shower after his morning training session. "Huh?" Emma asked playing dumb blonde. "I thought you were on the phone a moment ago. Who was it?" He insisted. She hated hearing the concern on his voice and knowing it was because of Jean. Emma was sure that had she not interfered, he would have never allowed his ex to leave the country with that man. "It was my sister," she said nonchalantly. "Has Jean called yet?" Emma shook her head to the sides, trying her best not to glare at him. "Should she?" "Yeah, she was supposed to let us know she's all right..." he grumbled as he started to get dressed.

Author's notes: I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. I've been having a TERRIBLE time trying to make this plot-line FIT into the post Endsong ones and that has proven to be quite the headache provoker, so if you see any loose ends try to be understanding. I'm trying to make this fic original plot friendly, but the writers have made things so complicated lately, it's been really difficult to do. I also have a young daughter who's really demanding, so that means I have less time to write as well. Thanks for adding my story to favorites and/or follow list and thanks for your comments too. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5: Field Trip

"Detah?" Logan asked with a confused expression. "Are you sure, Red?" Jean nodded. "That's not even East of Yellowknife." Logan said not convinced. "I know. It's southeast, but that's what Emma said and she repeated it three times in case I had suddenly lost my eidetic memory... " Jean said making an effort to remain calm. She preferred it when Logan was insightful enough to read between the lines of whatever she was saying, but it appeared that spending the night sitting on a chair had numbed his perception when it came to subtleties.

"She's lying, Jean. It's an excuse to keep us away." He growled, mad at Emma for attempting to mess with his beloved redhead.

"I know." She admitted. "I want to stay away as much as she does." Then her eyes closed for a long moment and she sighed heavily, leaning her head on his shoulder. Logan took his eyes from the road for a moment to sneak a peak at her and then went back to pretending nothing had happened. He was, once again, fearing any rush movement would scare the elusive doe that was Jean Grey away from him. In the meanwhile, she was searching her brain for a memory that would take her mind off Emma and found the answer was as simple as enjoying the present. She did that in silence for a couple of minutes, thinking about how the woman who had stolen her husband, kept her prisoner and was now trying to get rid of her had actually granted Jean the only wish she had had since coming back: freedom.

"Would you rather go back to the Mansion?" Jean asked a while later, looking up at him. Logan shook his head, smiling despite of himself. Jean sat straight once again and returned the smile. A comfortable silence fell between them and they both just enjoyed it for a while, happy to be carefree for a change.

"I missed this peace and quiet." Logan admitted twenty minutes later. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" Jean asked feeling as nostalgic as he looked. Logan nodded, apparently lost in thought. Whatever was on his mind, it must have been serious, Jean realized. She cast down her eyes, a sad expression suddenly crossing her beautiful features. "I've spent too much time trapped in the mansion. Ever since I've come back, I was forced to watch my friends become everything we've always fought... It breaks my heart, Logan." Jean said vehemently, her green eyes bright with unshred tears she was fiercely fighting back. He didn't answer. He was her friend and hadn't turned over to the dark side, but he wasn't the kind to state the obvious. "If there's a chance to get away from all that, let them all lie away." Jean said in a low voice, fearing that speaking louder might make it break.

Logan looked at her with his jaw strongly set. It was the only way the man had found to restrain from saying he would never lie to her, no matter how harsh the truth. But that was Jean's moment. She looked like she needed to be heard more than comforted. Perhaps his silent support did comfort her in some way. After all, that's exactly what he had been giving her for years and the redhead seemed to still come running to him with her confidences whenever she felt her heart burdened with something too overwhelming to deal with alone. Jean looked at Logan through the corner of her eye and guessed his general line of thought. The details escaped her but she respected his privacy and stayed clear of his mind.

"I would have ran away as soon as I learned how they are running the school and the teams now." She confessed. "But you know it's either prison or death for me now." She said seriously, her determined eyes hard with resentment. Why couldn't they just believe her that this time things were different, that she was actually in control of the Phoenix and her own emotions? The redhead pondered on the unfairness of that situation for a while before she spoke again.

Had she tried to escape, they would have certainly killed her like a dog to prevent any future disaster caused by the Phoenix, even though there hadn't been a sign of it really trying to take over her this time around. It was a constant presence, but Jean was able to keep it at bay. The way Logan tensed beside her made Jean sure he understood everything that went unsaid. It was so sweet of him to feel outraged whenever the subject of her imprisonment came up. Perhaps that was because he valued his freedom so much that he understood what it meant to her to be granted a new life and, at the same time, being condemned to live it in confinement.

"Given a choice, wouldn't you choose to exile yourself too in my position?" She asked almost in a child-like manner. Logan looked long and deep into those green eyes he loved so much before answering. "That's exactly what I've done in the past when faced with the same choice, darlin'." He confessed. Actually, Logan's memories on the matter were rather fuzzy but there had been several sources confirming that part of his life. Jean first held his gaze with innocent curiosity, then gave Logan a warm accomplice smile and a thankful look. Ultimately, she softly rested her hand on his elbow as he drove them west.

"If it weren't for you and Rachel, I probably would have tried to fight it... to convince them to let me leave, move on my own..." Jean didn't dare to look at him anymore. She was sure Logan knew what she was implying and why she did it. Their silent agreement about certain things being taboo was what had kept her friendship from any harm for so long. Neither one of them dared to break it. For years, Jean had made abundantly clear that she loved Scott and would never leave him while at the same time her eyes and body language sometimes betrayed that love in favor of Logan. The Canadian had known her long enough to be sure that if she never corresponded him, it had been out of self-control, because she was happy with Scott to risk that perfect relationship by exploring something uncertain, bound to be tumultuous at the very least. A caring soul like Jean probably didn't want anyone to get hurt because of her and chose the lesser evil. After all, he was strong enough to let himself die of a heartache on the inside as he moved on with his life, while the entire team had seen what each of Jean's deaths had turned their leader into.

Jean felt the urge to be closer to Logan like she had before, when she had rested her head on his shoulder, but the impulse was refrained. If she were to be honest with herself, getting to know her genetic daughter better wasn't the main reason she had decided to go along with being yet another prisoner at the mansion. It was spending time helping Logan around the mansion, talking about insignificant things and hearing him complain about every little nuisance in the world that made her get out of bed in the morning those days. The truth behind that was something Jean didn't allow herself to think about. Not even now that Scott was as happy with Emma as any masochistic person could be around such a cold-hearted icicle. After all those years of denying that part of her feelings, suppressing them whenever they tried to bloom, the redhead was having a hard time accepting them now, let alone helping them grow.

The telepath had taken a couple of steps in that direction lately, but Logan too was either already used to the friendly routine they had both comfortably fallen into, or finally gotten over her to correspond. The idea that he found it too good to be true and chose to spare himself the disappointment never crossed her mind. A part of Jean felt hurt but her ever understanding maternal personality had forgiven him almost immediately. She could only imagine the kind of self-control someone like Logan must have had to exercise all those years to always respect her boundaries and now that she was trying to get closer... well it couldn't be easier for him either, right? She had rejected him so many times, the poor proud man was probably done playing that role. The only doubt that made her feel insecure was her certainty that Logan could read her like a book without being a telepath, out of mere years of close observation. If he knew she was trying to find a way to get closer, why wasn't he helping? Revenge? He certainly was the type, but he had never taken that path with the redhead, even when he had reasons to want to get back at her. It certainly as hell wasn't shyness, she thought smiling to herself in spite of everything.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" Logan asked, bringing her back to reality. Jean blushed deeply and kept her eyes safely on the road for a while. "I..." She tried to think of something else . Safe topics, she thought. The first thing that came to her mind was absolutely devastating, so she let those thoughts run free inside her head, changing her mood from meditative to sad, picking up the topic of her captivity where they had left it. "I'm almost glad that he's not here to see what the X-Men have become." Jean said in all honesty, mentioning the whole team instead of just Scott to spare Logan's feelings. It wasn't what she had been thinking of when he had asked but the psychic wasn't ready to talk about her confusing feelings for the man sitting beside her, so she just told him another truth. "I can't even understand how something like this happened. We have always been so determined to do what was morally right, so sure of our convictions... of how important it was to respect everybody else's right to live their lives as they chose and only fought to defend that freedom when innocents couldn't stand up for themselves against xenophobics or megalomaniacs..." She shook her head softly. "How can all those ideals turn into this?" Her eyes were on the road but her mind seemed miles away.

Logan took his icy-blue eyes from the road to look at Jean when he heard the sadness in her voice. With the pain from that thought pulsating through her, the redhead was as vehement and passionate as a martyr reminiscing about her old priest and confessor while being locked up at an infidel's dungeon waiting for her execution. Logan guessed that, ironic as it was, Jean probably felt something along those lines at the mansion these days. He understood what she meant, having had to see the change first hand himself, yet he remained silent, unable to even breathe in fear of disturbing the fervorous preaching that had him completely hypnotized. Logan was in awe at the excruciatingly beautiful sight that was Jean Grey when locked up in her own little world like that.

Then she turned to look at him, her green eyes inquisitive. He held her gaze in silence, hoping she would read his mind and learn that the only reason he had stayed in the team enduring Scott wrecking everything the professor have worked so hard to build, was because of her... or rather, the chance he might see her again. He got back because they would be the first ones to know when she came back and planned to stay just as long as she was alive... or forced to remain sequestered at the mansion, under the vigilant eye of the X-men, where they could murder her again in case the Phoenix tried anything remotely questionable. Even if that was the case, he planned to stand by her side until the end as he had always done.

It wasn't the kind of life he would have chosen for himself, but Logan was willing to become whatever Jean needed of him and if she was trapped, he would be her cellmate and try to make her days more bearable. Now she seemed to be trying to get closer to him and, as the psychic had predicted, he didn't know how to handle that after so many years of repressing his feelings. A part of Logan feared that if he let himself get carried away it would be too much for her. All those feelings bottled up for so long would be too intense for someone as delicate and classy as Jean. The idea of her turning him down for someone else was bearable, but if Jean rejected him because of who he was and how strongly he felt... the very concept of her thinking he was a disgusting wild animal was plain devastating. Logan could have told her what he thought, how he felt, and it would probably have made things easier on her. He even felt tempted to, and maybe even would have done so if the vehement way she had been talking hadn't affected him so much. In his eyes, she was like a young nun praying to her God for guidance in her final hour to find some comfort. No. Someone like her would definitely be horrified by his raw unrefined way of living life —and loving—, and he couldn't take that kind of rejection from her. He wouldn't do that to himself.

After a while she looked up at Logan and held his gaze for the longest time, her heart racing until he looked back at the road, that was empty except for them. "I know you feel the same way I do." Jean said without clarifying whether she was talking about the X-men or her feelings for him, but the intense look she gave Logan insinuated she meant both. "And we're finally away from that hell thanks to Emma's jealousy. Even if it pleases her beyond words to think that she's played us like kids..." Jean shrugged with a tiny sad smile that had just the perfect brush of triumph. "I'm gonna enjoy this freedom for as long as I can." She said after a long pause, with the determination of someone who has survived the horrors of war and still refuses to give up on life and happiness.


End file.
